Be the bull. I have my eye on the red flag and I’m going for it!
Tag Archives: art
Commitment is one of my issues, which carries over into surrender, which carries over into letting go and all the other soul destroying issues our egos sling at us to hold us back, so we can maintain status quo and feel “good”.
Well this post is about my intimate dance with darkness or my ego, and about just letting go of all my “comfort-zone” inducing mechanisms.
I have my shoes…
Surrender. Easy to write, but hard to do. Sometimes I have to fight, but often that’s not accurate. I have to have courage to face what may come my way and surrender to the experience be it good or bad.
Courage: To face the abyss of uncertainty and jump anyway!!! There are dreams I want to fulfill, but to have those dreams smashed is less terrifying to me now than never even taking the first step towards them. That really terrifies me!
Well this year I’m jumping finally, and yes, I’m scared of failing. Yep! Plain and simple, but I’m just going to jump in anyway.
Day 1 of my printmaking course. I produced my very first print!
All I can say and feel is “wow”! And there is no wow in practical (Dr. Mc Dreamy).
Mono print: Tigertiger first press
I’m going to use the next 5 classes to express my dark side and embrace it for once….”do you want to dance, or do you want to dance”? (Thomas Crown in The Thomas Crown Affair: I love that phrase!).
Peace 💖 Arby
So I’ve been MIA on my blog and unforgivably neglectful of the wonderful bloggers I follow! I’ve been soul searching alone, as I’ve always done in the past, when really I need to use my blog as my outlet….the answers might get to me sooner!
I haven’t been completely self-absorbed! I’ve been preparing to start my own business in literacy development for young children, painting, drawing, baking, knitting, crocheting, being a mom, and oh yeah…recovering from a minor head injury/whiplash (paintball misadventure!). So I’m making efforts to be a better blogger. I will post something creative and inspiring (lofty goal yes!) everyday in November, and support and encourage the bloggers who I follow, thank you for entertaining and inspiring us all!
The pineapple stitch!
Art is my mediation and today I’m looking at the very first watercolor I created. It came to me naturally without the boundaries of formal instruction. That’s not to say that formal learning of techniques isn’t good, it’s essential for progress, but there’s something to be said for creative moments that spring unannounced from your being.
I did carry on with being unschooled in this artistic medium, and sketched many scenes that caught my eye and spoke to my heart. I also remember vividly this year of being jobless in a foreign city. I was lost and art saved me or found me rather. I stared in the mirror each morning and whispered to myself “so really, who the hell are you without your higher education and your books?” Despondent, once I stopped burying myself in science assignments, projects, and exams, I came up empty. Chris (husband/best friend) was happy and working, and never lost himself. Le sigh.
That first year in Paris I turned myself upside down, inside out, insane, and exhausted searching for meaningful work. I wanted the job that would make me sing each morning. Nevermind that I had no work visa. I reasoned that if I got the job, I’d get the visa somehow. A year went by….no job, but my sketching and painting were taking root nicely.
Here is the most precious place in the world to me! It was my place when there was nowhere else I could go. It grounded me so that I could dream freely here.
Middle Cove, NL ’02
My partner Chris asked me to marry him here one cold July evening, five years before I painted this landscape, as we lay on the cliff -pictured in the middle distance here. Star gazing in the grass and wrapped together in love my best friend and lover thought he would like to stay forever with me. I agreed wholeheartedly. It was magical.
The journey to find myself and silence my ego had begun without much time to blink. Did I enjoy this task that was shoved in my face? No. Was it critical for my true self to emerge? Yes. Was it painful? Most definitely; lots of pain. Have I found myself? Partly. Am I finished with this intimate seduction that my dark side, my ego keeps thrusting on me? No, but I’m so close! So very close.
Love, so simple.
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